Oneupweb : I’m a Nut, But Not Just a Nut

So I was doin’ some optimization for a big shot in Asia the other day. I finished up some title tags and some headers and I’m like, hey, dude, a little somethin’ for the effort? And he turns to me, and he gives me the one crazy SEO trick to rule them all. And that’s what I was gonna share today.

Buuuutttt, it turns out today is Bill Murray’s 61st birthday, and that, friends, is much more important.

I’ll keep the secret to myself for one more month, and instead offer you the Top 5 Lessons Marketers Have to Learn from God (a, not “the”) Himself, Mr. Bill Murray.

1. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.”

Goals are the most important part of any marketing mission. What are you looking to accomplish? Drifting at sea isn’t going to do anything. Find the shark that killed your friend. And then destroy it. Or at least fight it.

2. “Phil?” “Ned?”

If we’re “friends”, brands, then hang back, say hi, remind me of who you are, but don’t run across the street to greet me. This means you, Company X that I’m friends with on Facebook who doesn’t shut up but I won’t mention by name here because that would be rude. This means stop with anything that violates my carefully constructed bubble of vanity online. I don’t care about you – I care about me.

3. “My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.”

We’re Americans, folks. Our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We’re mutts. And we’re mostly idiots. You can talk up anything nice – and that’s what will really sell.

4. “It Just Doesn’t Matter!”

This isn’t cynicism—it’s realism (and maybe a little cynicism). But the inspirational speech from Meatballs is more inspirational than any corny motivational sports movie speech ever made—because sometimes you’re going to lose and lose very badly. But Tripper speaks the Gospel—you keep on playing. If you have to win every time you try a new campaign or strategy, then you are a wimp. Get in there and get your head busted.

5. “Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.”

Big Ern McCracken hits us with more truth. Sometimes you have to suck it up and admit you were wrong. Even when your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag.

Taken to heart by our friends at, ahem, Qwikster.

That’s it. If you need help living the Murray-life, feel free to get in touch with Oneupweb.

But I do hope you’ve had enough to drink. It’s going to take courage.

I was planning to share with everyone the secret to surefire SEO success in this month’s blog. I’ve uncovered one single crazy trick that will send your site skyrocketing to heights you’ve never dreamed.

But …

Turns out today is Bill Murray’s 61st birthday, and that, friends, is much more important.

So I’ll keep my super-successful secret to myself for one more month, and instead offer you the Top 5 Lessons Marketers Have to Learn from God (a, not “the”) himself, Mr. Bill Murray.

1. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.”

Goals are the most important part of any marketing mission. What are you looking to accomplish? Drifting at sea isn’t going to do anything. Find the shark that killed your friend.

2. “Phil?” “Ned?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mV-UBaT0SI

If we’re “friends”, brands, then hang back, say hi, remind me of who you are, but don’t run across the street to greet me. This means you, Company X that I’m friends with on Facebook who doesn’t shut up but I won’t mention by name here because that would be rude. This means stop with anything that violates my carefully constructed bubble of vanity online. I don’t care about you – I care about me.

3. “My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.”

We’re Americans, folks. Our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We’re mutts. And we’re mostly idiots. You can talk up anything nice – and that’s what will really sell.

4. “It Just Doesn’t Matter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3S_k1dRbXY

This isn’t cynicism – it’s realism (and maybe a little cynicism). But the inspirational speech from Meatballs is more inspirational than any corny motivational sports movie speech ever made – because sometimes you’re going to lose and lose very badly. But Tripper speaks the Gospel – you keep on playing. If you have to win every time you try a new campaign or strategy, then you are a wimp. Get in there and get your head busted!

5. “Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music”

Big Ern McCracken hits us with the truth. Sometimes you have to suck it up and admit you were wrong. Even when your bladders feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag.

Taken to heart by our friends at, ahem, Qwikster.