Oneupweb : 11 WTF Album Covers Of All Time
I decided to do things a little different in this blog post. We always highlight the cool things that we come across—what’s new and hip or creative. Well, not this time. This time I’m highlighting some of the worst things out there in the creative world. This post is sure to make viewers cringe and creatives dry heave! Although it’s painful, you know we can’t get enough of it, we love the bad! So, without further delay—here is my list of bad (along with the conversation I believe might have went along with each album’s design)…
My 11 WTF Covers of all Time:
11.
David Hasselhoff
Night Rocker (1985)
Designer: “Hello, Mr. Hasselhoff.”
The Hoff: “KITT is that you?”
Designer: “Mr. Hasselhoff, we’re supposed to talk about your album design.”
The Hoff: “Oooohhh yeah, juss have me makin’ love to a guitarrrr with a burger and dancing wiff a fish that looksss like KITT…in the middle of a hurrrrrricane.”
Designer: “Mr. Hasselhoff, are you drunk?”
The Hoff: “Don’t HASSSSSSLE THE HOFF! I eat PUNKS LIKE YOU FOR BRESSFEST.”
Designer: “Wait you’re drunk and eating a hamburger, aren’t you?”
The Hoff: “Flerberflassin hassijfass.” KA-THUDDDD!
Agent: “Ummm sorry…just put David playing the guitar in the rain on the hood of KITT.”
10.
Poison
Look What the Cat Dragged In (1986)
Bret Michaels: “Ok, I really want our cover to be Rock ‘n’ Roll, ya know tough and overflowing with manly testosterone? Did you get the images we sent you last week?”
Designer: “Yeah, but I think there was a mix up, the pictures I received were of a chick band—a bunch of lame headshots of girls with ridiculously teased hair in tons of makeup kissing at the camera.”
Bret Michaels: “No dude, that’s us.”
Designer: “Wait—you’re a guy band, right?”
Bret Michaels: “Yep, that’s right.”
Designer: “And you said you wanted it to be tough and overflowing with manly testosterone, right?”
9.
Roger
The Many Facets Of Roger (1981)
Roger: “Ya see, Roger wants to show his fans how deep and complex Roger is, so lets display all Roger’s different ‘facets’ or ‘faces’ if you will, on the cover”
Designer: “Wait, I was told I’d be speaking directly with Roger?”
Roger: “Roger—this is Roger.”
Designer: “Oh…you’re speaking to me in the third person, I get it.”
Roger: “There’s no third or second person here—just Roger.”
Designer: “Ok, anyhow…back to the design of your cover.”
Roger: “Yes, Roger counted yesterday and he have 6 different complex facets. So we took 6 photograph picture images of Roger’s diverse complexity.
Designer: “Yeah, I’m looking at them now.”
Roger: “First—there’s the ‘Hey Girl, how you doing’ face. That shows that Roger listens to the ladies. Second—is the ‘Roger is serious—so serious, that if he wanted he could shoot lasers from his eyes’ face. Third—is the ‘Hey, it’s just Roger’s face, to let the fans know that it is Roger, in case they were worried. Fourth—is the ‘Oh-no-you-didn’t’ face, to let the fans know that Roger is paying attention. Fifth—is…uh…Roger dropped a french fry here and the photographer snapped a picture. Roger was really hungry and sad…at the same time. Let’s use it anyways. Sixth—is the ‘Are you really ready to experience the many facets of Roger…because you’re about to, so get ready…to experience it and stuff’ face.”
8.
Queen
The Miracle (1989)
Designer: “Hey Fred! So I designed the the album cover just how you told me and…”
Freddie: “Bloody great mate! So it’s a bloody four faced monster using the bands bloody mugs, but wait a minute, hold on, what’s going on here, we only have bloody 5 eyes so somebody’s bloody sharing some eyes…this isn’t going to go over well with the band and how the bloody hell are they going to comb that bloody mess of hair!”
Designer: “Yeah, well, I’m a little concerned because I showed my 4 year old daughter and she started crying and when I showed my dog he barks and runs around in circles!”
Freddie: “That’s grand mate…did you give us a bloody ‘uge neck too?!”
7.
Big Bear
Doin Thangs (1998)
Big Bear: “Yo peep this! Since my name is Big Bear and the name of my album is ‘Doin Thangs’, what if I was like doing thangs with a bunch of bears!”
Designer: “Uh-huh, very creative.”
Big Bear: “So, we’re all chillin’, drinkin’, eating fruit and nuts! The bears have smoking jackets on…cuz these bears are smokin’ blunts yo!”
Designer: “Are you serious?”
Big Bear: “Word…you know just me, Big Bear with my big bear homies doin’ what we do…ya know, doin’ thangs!”
Designer: “Brilliant. Well, if you say so. I’ll have our photographer get in contact with you to set up the shoot, then I’ll just Photoshop the bears in.”
Big Bear: “What do mean Photoshop? I want real bears wearing sunglasses, smokin’, drinkin’ and eatin’ nuts yo!”
6.
Trick Daddy
www.thug.com (1998)
Trick Daddy: “Yo, my boy Lil’ Moozey got me online yesterday and we were checking out some crazy porn sites, when all these little interweb boxes starting poppin’ up everywhere! And I was like, Yo I must be trippin’ cuz this shit is crazy fly! It’s all up in my grill, poppin’ up everywhere and I can’t stop it!”
Designer: “Excuse me Mr. Daddy, that’s called a pop-up window…the majority of people think they’re annoying.”
Trick Daddy: “So I want my album cover to be a pop-up window! That way when people see my album in the store, they’ll be like, hold up…how did this pop-up window get out of my computer machine and into this store? Then they’ll buy it for fitty bones.”
Designer: “You can’t sell it for $50, sir. Anyhow, in order for me to get started I need a high-res image of yourself.”
Trick Daddy: “Way ahead of you G, I found a tight picture of myself at Lil’ Zip’s crib, my main homie. I cut my head out and sent it to you in the mail.
Designer: “You cut it out with scissors?”
Trick Daddy: “Word yo! I also want some buttons at the top with the six most important things in my life. Music, sex, drugs, money, death and red.”
Designer: “Red?”
Trick Daddy: “Oh yeah homie, make the top of my dome glow too!”
5.
The Bee Gees
Life In A Tin Can (1973)
Barry Gibb: “I want you to take a picture of us inside of a can.”
Designer: “You mean you want it to look like you’re all inside of a can?”
Barry Gibb: “No, I want us all to actually be inside of a real tin can.”
Designer: “Barry, I’m sorry…but you can’t fit inside of a real tin can.”
Barry Gibb: “Wait, what did you just call me?”
Designer: “Barry.”
Barry Gibb: “YOU WILL NOT CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME!! IT IS MR. GIBB TO YOU! YOU WILL SHOW ME SOME RESPECT! I’M FROM THE STREETS OF QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA! I WILL TAKE OUT MY BOWIE KNIFE AND GUT YOU LIKE A FI-I-I-AH-HE-ISH! Don’t you EVER talk to me like that AGAIN! I’M BARRY GIBB! I will PUT you in the GROUND! I will PUT you in the GROUND Yeah!”
4.
Dolly Parton
Bubbling Over (1973)
Designer: So let me get this straight Ms. Parton…you want yourself standing in the background, but then there’s a fountain of water shooting up…with your face in it?”
3.
Top Dog
Slam Dunk’n Hoes (2001)
Top Dog: “So my Lil’ Boo says you’re a pro when it comes to this new Photoshop stuff.”
Designer: “Well, I guess you could say that. I took a free Photoshop class at the Y.”
Top Dog: “Word up then, let’s do this!”
Designer: “Word.”
Top Dog: “Ok, the name of my album is called Slam Dunk’n Hoes. So, I want the album cover to be me flying through the air slam dunkin’ a hoe! Can you do it?”
Designer: “Word.”
Top Dog: “I took the liberty of gathering the images for you to use…I figure it’ll cut down on cost. Then you can just work your magic and put it all together. I couldn’t afford to hire a photographer, so just use that one photo of me doing the one-legged robot at Crazy G’s birthday party. Then I found this picture from Snazzy Pete’s bachelor party of this fine b…”
Designer: “Yo! That’s my Mom!”
Top Dog: “Oh snap! well…ummm, just blur her face out then.”
Designer: “Word.”
Top Dog: “One last thing, somewhere on the cover put ‘LIMITED EDITION’ since I only have 13 CDs left to burn this album on.”
Designer: “Word.”
2.
The Beatles
“Yesterday”…And Today (1966)
Designer: “I just have to say how excited I am to be working with you guys!”
John: “Cheers ol’ chap, no need to get your knickers in a bunch.”
Designer: “I’m a huge fan!”
Paul: “Well who the bloody hell isn’t?”
Designer: “Ok, well down to business.”
Ringo: “You’re bloody right!”
John: “Quiet Richard!”
Designer: “So, I gave this a lot of thought…and I was thinking, since the name of this album will be called ‘Yesterday And Today’ why not have a…”
John: “I don’t mean to interrupt there ol’ chap, but we already have the art, all you need to do is put in the bloody words.” [Pulls out the photograph from a manila envelope] “And here it is!”
Designer: “Gross, It’s a picture of you guys in lab coats with bloody headless baby dolls and meat!? What does this have to do with anything?”
John: “Quite right.”
Designer: “What do you mean quite right? what’s quite right?”
Paul: “Jolly good then.”
Designer: “Jolly good?”
George: “Righty oh!”
Designer: “Righty oh? I’m confused.”
Ringo: “Smashing! Good fun!”
John, Paul & George: “Quiet Richard!!!”
1.
Millie Jackson
Back To The S..t! (1989)
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Millie: “COME ON IN!”
Designer: “Millie, I brought the photographer like you requested…where are you?!”
Millie: “HHHHHURRY ON UP…I’M IN THE BATHROOM!”
